


You Don't Remember

by OMGaara



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: AkuRoku Day, Angst and Feels, Basically I love Axel and this happened, Kingdom Hears 2 timeline-ish, M/M, axel pov, sea salt trio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-15 00:28:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11794653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OMGaara/pseuds/OMGaara
Summary: He’s like the sun.I feel sunburnt.I have sunstroke from him.You felt like a sunset. The reprieve after the heat, but still so warm.You make me marvel at your colors.You’re his shadow.His echo.You’re so much more than that.I don’t know the right words to describe it.I never have.I’ve never had the words to describe you.





	You Don't Remember

You broke my heart when you left me to bring her back.  
You didn’t even know who you were missing.  
You didn’t remember the time we spent the three of us.  
You didn’t remember her smile.  
You didn’t remember her laugh.  
You couldn’t remember the color of her eyes (blue, the same shade as yours).  
You couldn’t remember her kindness (something both of us are a bit lacking).  
You didn’t remember the face she would make when we’d get ice cream together.  
You didn’t remember the face she made when she laughed at us.  
You couldn’t even remember her name.  
You still left me for a memory. A memory you couldn’t even recall.  
I couldn’t either.  
I couldn’t remember any of those things.  
I couldn’t remember her.  
I didn’t know we were missing someone.  
I guess you felt it. That gaping hole.  
I didn’t understand then. But I do now. 

________

I’ d been sacrificing myself.  
I’d been sacrificing everything to try to get us a home.  
You didn’t know.  
You didn’t understand.  
I shouldn’t blame you for that.  
You still left me.  
You left everything that I had been trying to build for us. You left me for her.  
I know you loved her. It matters to me that you do (or did, before they forced you to forget her, then took you away from me for good).  
I don’t know whether you consciously remembered that you loved her, or if you just felt like you were missing something.  
You obviously loved her more than you loved me.  
You chose the girl you couldn’t remember over me.  
I hated you for it.  
I hated even more that I still love you this much.  
I wish I couldn’t feel. Like they told us. Everything would be so much simpler.  
I even wish sometimes that we hadn’t met.  
I sort of got my wish. Double edged sword that was.  
They took your memory of me. Of everything.  
They made you forget me, just like you forgot her.  
They didn’t take mine.  
I still remembered everything.  
I ached when I finally saw you there.  
You looked the same. Except there was no warmth in your eyes.  
You looked at me with cold contempt. Your eyes as blue as ever, but those eyes had never looked at me that way before.  
I saw there was no recognition in them. Nothing at all.  
You didn’t recognize me.  
You didn’t remember what we’d been through.  
You didn’t know who I was.  
I had been trying to find you for months. And when I did, this is what I got. Bullshit.  
You were you, but you didn’t know me.  
You couldn’t remember anything.  
I wanted our friendship back.  
You had gone and made new friends.  
You went to our spot with them.  
You ate our favorite ice cream with them.  
You laughed with them.  
You replaced me.  
You replaced us.

________

I was fine before you. Content.  
You showed me what happiness felt like.  
You stole it away from me, after you dangled the sweet taste in front of my face.  
I can’t go back to the way it was before you.  
I wish I could.  
I can never go back now.  
I can’t go back to when we were together.  
I can’t go back to before us.  
You wrecked me.  
I had been fine before.  
I’m not fine anymore. 

________

I met him for the first time.  
He’s not you.  
I wish he was.  
I don’t want to know him.  
I don’t want to have to.  
I just want you back.  
You wouldn’t want me to hurt him to get you back.  
I know that.  
I need you too much not to try, though.  
I can’t go on without you.  
I’m still going because of the hope that one day I could get you back.

________

He’s so much like you. It hurts.  
I can only handle so much of him at one time before the memories become too strong.  
He reminds me so much of you.  
He forces me to think of us.  
He makes me miss you even more.  
He makes me that much more desperate to get you back.  
I’m struggling to pull myself out of quicksand.  
I’m a black hole absorbing everything I can get my hands on just to get the slightest glimpse of feeling whole again.  
I guess this must have been how you felt when you were trying to get to her. 

________

He’s like the sun.  
I feel sunburnt.  
I have sunstroke from him.  
You felt like a sunset. The reprieve after the heat, but still so warm.  
You make me marvel at your colors.  
You’re his shadow.  
His echo.  
You’re so much more than that.  
I don’t know the right words to describe it.  
I never have.  
I’ve never had the words to describe you.

________

You wouldn’t have wanted me to do this. Silence his light to get yours back.  
I know.  
I’m trying to respect that.  
I’m trying to keep going. I’m trying to help him. For your sake.  
I want him to make it out of this alive. At least so the small part of you inside him makes it out too.  
I’d sacrifice myself for you, so why not him?  
He’s still not you. No matter how much I hope he is. Sometimes my eyes play tricks on me, and I think he’s you.  
I can see you, so much in him.  
I notice every little difference so acutely after those episodes.  
He’s great, he really is. But he’s not you.  
I would have liked him better if I wasn’t constantly comparing him to you.  
I know I’m not fair to him.  
You don’t have to tell me that.

________

I know I don’t have a claim on you.  
You were never mine.  
I wish you had been. That way there would have been a reason for me to feel this way.  
You never were.  
I regret that.  
I resent it.  
I had hoped we would have had more time. But we didn’t.

________

I miss you.  
I miss her. Even if I can’t remember anything about her anymore.  
I miss us together. The three of us.  
I still know that we were a trio.  
They can’t take that away from me.  
I miss your smile. Even if by the end I hadn’t seen it in a while.  
I miss your laugh. It was always like music caught on the wind.  
I miss your eyes. I would gladly drown in those oceans anytime just to get another glimpse of them, when they’re not on him.  
He doesn’t compare. This doesn’t compare. Now doesn’t compare.  
I feel everything for you.  
I always have.

________

I told you I would miss you when you left.  
I should have told you that I can’t live without you.  
I should have told you more.  
I should have told you everything.  
I should have told you I love you.  
I do love you. Even after you left me. Always. 

________

I think it’s fitting if I go out protecting what’s left of you.  
I’ll be happy with that.  
I wish I could have loved you the way you deserve.  
I wish I could have had the chance to dote on you. The way I wanted to.  
I wish we could have been happy. We could have been in different circumstances.  
I wanted to make you happy.  
They stole it away from us.  
They took everything that matters.

________

I don’t regret loving you.  
I don’t regret getting to know you.  
I don’t regret knowing her.  
I don’t regret trying to get you back.  
I regret letting you go.  
I regret letting you pull away from me.  
I regret letting you try to get her back.  
I should have held on tighter. To both of you.  
I feel guilty about letting them break us apart.  
I’m going to get you back.  
I don’t care how far I might have to go to get to you.  
I don’t care what I might have to do.  
I’ll do anything.  
I need you.

________

He’s not so bad.  
I’m even starting to like him. Just not even close to half as much as I love you.  
He’s a good kid.  
He could change things.  
He could make things better.  
I could help him change things.  
I could start to fix my mistakes.  
You’d be proud of that.  
I’ll try to protect him.  
I’ll try to protect him as fiercely as I’d protect you.  
I don’t know if I can. But I’ll try. At least until I get my chance.  
I know I’m going to be selfish someday. When I might be able to get to you.  
I’m going to take that chance.  
I don’t care who I’ll have to take out to do it.  
I don’t care who gets in my way.  
They’re going down. Any of them, all of them.  
You matter more.  
You matter more than my safety. More than my sanity. More than my life.  
You’re the most important thing to me.  
I’ll get you back. Someday. 

________

I wish I could run my hands through your hair.  
I never got to feel the texture of your blond locks running through my fingers.  
I wish I could hold your hand.  
I wish I could kiss you.  
I never got to.  
I wish we could go to the beach like we always said we would.  
I wish I could do everything that we didn’t have time to do.  
I wish I could hug you.  
I didn’t get to bring you back.  
I didn’t get to see you again.  
I didn’t have time to do anything with you in the end.  
I regret that most. All the lost time.  
I told myself that I’d get you back, but…  
I ended up tearing myself apart trying to protect him.  
I ripped myself apart trying to protect you.  
I ripped myself apart trying to get you back. 

________

I’m dying.  
I’m slipping away.  
I’m going to melt into the shadows.  
I can feel it.  
I get to die looking in your eyes, at least.  
I know they’re not yours.  
They’re his.  
I know that.  
They don’t look at me with the same intensity you used to.  
They’re not the eyes I love.  
They don’t know our history.  
They don’t share our feelings.  
I feel bad for leaving him here. Leaving you here.  
I feel guilty for not getting him out of here.  
I feel guilty that I couldn’t get to you.  
I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.  
I’m sorry, Roxas.  
They’re not your eyes, but they’re the same blue as yours, and he reminds me so much of you.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this earlier this summer, and today’s AkuRoku day, so I thought why not post it. I haven’t played the game in a while, so if there’s plot mistakes, I’m sorry. This will be my first time posting any of my writing online. I think it’s fitting that my first is AkuRoku. Enjoy!


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